Week 31

I get weekly emails from several different sources that let me know what is going on week by week with my little bundle of joy. Most have been talking about getting some sort of birthing plan in order. I have not been doing this because I thought the only plan I needed was to keep everyone without a medical license above my waist, and my Husband out of arms reach (for his safety of course).

Today out of curiosity I looked at an online birthing plan option list. I was glad I did for the most part. It allows me to say ahead of time what I want done and what I don't without having to think under extreme stress, pain and emotions. There were a couple of things I never thought of, and now wish I could get out of my head but can't, and since you know and love me and my personality, you know I must share these visions with you. So as I go through some of the options just remember to keep a very open mind and try to picture it all. It will be the only way I can share my terror with you.

Under the section for Labor everything seems normal and good. Yes I would like to be able to walk around and change positions during labor. I would like fluids by mouth when its allowed and I would like to bring my own music and have the lights dimmed. (I am not big on bright lights so I am really hoping I get this one). All these seem normal and reasonable. So far so good.

On to Monitoring. Again nothing more than normal to monitor or not to monitor, and to do this internally or externally. I prefer externally as long as Roman is not under and distress.

Induction....Yes please....

Anesthesia/Pain Meds is the next section, again still normal. Mind you I am not on the second page of the list, thinking everything is great, that I am just so glad I found this document and printed it out.

The section for Cesarean, again all normal even if not everything is to my taste. Things like avoid if necessary, get a second opinion, do I want my husband present, should he get the baby after. Of course there is the, do you want to view the child being riped from the open cut in your stomach? Ok so they don't phrase it quite that way, but I am perfectly ok keeping that curtain up and not witnessing the giant gaping womb the doctors made, or my intestines laid out on my stomach. Yeah I think I am good there.

The next section takes me back to normal again talking about the episiotomy, awww...that c-section part should be the worst of it. Then you get to the delivery section. Then things get weird.

Do I want to choose my position in which I give birth?...Hmm I think I will let the doctor tell me which she prefers me in. I may not listen well all the time, but I can and I will at that moment. Would I like my husband to support my legs while pushing?....ok that breaks my original plan with no one without a medical license below my waist... A nurse can do this for me if it needs to be done.

Would I like to deliver in the hands and knees position? Ummm...ok that just seems uncomfortable and and odd way to give birth, maybe I have been watching too many TV shows but I have never seen them do this and it just doesn't seem like the easy route to go.

Would I like to try the squatting position. Yeah I know that's how they used to do it in the old days, but we have doctors now, and while I am sure it is a very natural way to do things, I want to make sure my doctor has a good view of whats going on and can catch the baby...What if I move as the baby starts to come out and the doctor misses, that can be some major head trauma to my little one.

Would I like a mirror to see the baby's head when it crowns....Yeah no...I did an EMT course a while back and I didn't like seeing the picture of the head come out of someone else, I definitely don't need to see myself.

Do I want to touch the baby's head when it crowns? Yeah again I am going to go with no. There are a couple of reasons here...first he is going to be goopy, and I don't want to feel the goop anymore than I have to, and two it just seems like I am trying to reach areas that should be reached for in that moment.

Would you like the baby placed on your stomach immediately after delivery? Not unless he is goop free. Don't get me wrong I love my son and am very excited to meet him, but I have waited the 9 or so months I can wait the extra 5 minutes it takes for them to take all the goop off. I don't want the first expression on my face my son sees to be a grossed out look of get all this goop off me...you know the look..Its the same look you get when you step on a snail barefoot. Not a good first impression.

Now we are all the way to immediately after delivery. The first two options are about who cuts the cord. I know I don't want it to be me. I don't want my son blaming me for miss cutting if he ends up with an outtie, let someone else, anyone else be responsible for that one.

Then there is do I want to wait for the cord to stop pulsating before its cut? No what I want is to take back the knowledge that it pulsates at all. Can you do that for me, no you can't. Now I know and now I picture it, and now it will haunt my dreams

The last question for This section is would I like to see the placenta after it is delivered? No, why would I? Does it do tricks? Am I supposed to mourn it? Do I pet it? Whats the point of seeing it after its born...its medical waste, get rid of it. No I don't want to take it home either. Why you might ask would you be offered to take it home. Well some people like to bury it in their garden, and there are some people that actually like to eat it. Now I am not here to bash anyone for their beliefs. If you want to eat or bury your placenta more power to you. I personally don't even want to know what it looks like thank you.

Now the rest deals with wanting the baby with you and how often and to circumcise or not, and breastfeeding and photographing everything. So all things back to normal. Except how can things ever go back to normal after being given details like I just described. I am now hoping all of you who read this share the nightmares I will most likely have tonight.