Week 25

So I am not entering my 3rd Trimester. I am finally on the home stretch of this thing, and look I am finally showing without having to lift my shirt up, at least as long as I have something somewhat fitting on. Funny I never would have worn a fitted sweater before being pregnant because I always thought I looked so fat in them, but now I actually love the sweater I have on in the picture above.

I definitely feel pregnant now. Its all finally sunk in that I am. Still not quite sure its sunk in that I am going to be a mom yet, but I still have 3 months to get used to that little fact. So Roman kicks, a lot and hard. I can see my stomach jump when he kicks. Hubby saw it for the first time last week, and Roman finally let him feel one of his kicks. Every other time Hubby has tried, Roman would kick around where ever he had his hand.

Roman loves to kick and moves for the better part of the entire 24 hour period. He kicks to the front, he kicks to the back (which let me tell you is an interesting feeling that I will not miss) and he likes to kick straight down, (again I wont miss that feeling either) He has kicked me in the ribs a couple times, and I think the lungs because every so often I will get breathless on one of his kicks. He also likes to stretch out, and will kick or punch the very bottom of my stomach as far down as he can get, and at the same time punch or kick the very top of my stomach at my ribs.

He will also kick a lot if the dogs lay too close to my stomach and take up what he feels is rightfully his space. Oh and any time Frida, my female dog even touches my stomach or is near it he kicks out at her, not sure if that means he likes her or just wants her away from him. I choose to believe it means he likes her, because they are not hard kicks, but more like soft rolls.

Laying on my side/stomach is getting more uncomfortable which is really hard for me since that is my normal way to sleep. But Roman being the ever demanding child he is shaping up to be, kicks out when I lay too much on my stomach, letting me know he does not approve of the position.

I did get him to kick back when I pushed in on him for a while. I figured its only fair that if he is going to be kicking me all day that I push him around a little. Its all in good fun, and entertained me for the 5 minutes he would play. Oh and my stomach is lopsided because he still likes the stay to the left side. I really noticed the lopsidedness today when I was getting ready for work. Its kind of funny to see. I hope he goes more to the middle as he gets bigger or I am going to have a belly swinging to the left. As if my center of gravity isn't off enough or my balance horrible to begin with. That's all I need is a belly to the left causing me to walk in circles.

Weeks 19 through 24

Week 19

Week 20


Week 23

Week 24

So I know its been a while since I have been on the blog. There is a reason I promise, well sorta a reason. First reason was that at week 19 I ended up in the ER because of my breathing. Let me tell you I am not a fan of the ER at my hospital. While I was there they did a CT scan. They told me it was clear of blood clots and told me to go home, not even with a breathing treatment. Well a week later I got a call from my OB telling me they actually did find a nodule on my lung. So I spent the next couple of weeks kind of freaking and stressing out about this. Still not sure what it is, but I see my pulmonologist Christmas Eve to hopefully be able to put some worries aside. I mean nothing can be done until after Roman is born, so I have kinda taken on the attitude that why worry about it until I have to.

So after that whole thing kinda of calmed down I went back to CA to see family and friends. I got to meet my new nephew, the happiest baby on earth I think, and new niece, a carbon copy of her mother a gorgeous baby girl. It made me really start to wonder if I was ready for all this. I have been having a lot of doubts lately. Will I be a good mother, will Roman bond with me, will I bond with him.

While in CA I had my baby shower. By the way Thank you to everyone who came and all your gifts, Thank you cards will be on the way soon. It meant a lot to me seeing all of you there. I think seeing all the cute little clothes really made everything hit home, because I started to get excited for by baby boy, and actually started to enjoy the pregnancy, even the kicks to my bladder. Plus I got the best gift ever from a friend, a rocking chair. I love that thing!

I am not sure if it was the baby shower or the fact that I am now showing, but Hubby also seems a lot more excited, as well as protective of me and our little bundle of joy. He is always reaching for my belly. He tried to feel Roman kick, but apparently Roman doesn't want to kick daddy. He would kick around Hubby's hand the entire time. It makes look forward so much more to April and the birth of my baby boy.

Week 18

Now that I know the gender of my baby, the shopping can start. I never knew there was so many cute baby boy outfits. I already bought Roman his first set of bibs, onsies and pacifiers. I plan to buy a little at a time each pay day and start putting the stuff away.

I have made wish lists from Old Navy and Gymboree. I was amazed at the cute little hats and shoes. Yes I think I have a new fetish, shoes for my son. I have also discovered that Amazon.com has a lot of very cute outfits. I found the outfit I plan to bring Roman home in. Its very cute and I can't wait to get it. 

Not only are there outfits to get there is a registry to start. Ok yes I started mine well before I knew the gender, but it was only the gender neutral things like bottles and baby bags and stuff like that. The Husband went down with me to Babies R Us and helped me pick some stuff out. It was really fun to see him get so into it. He took each of the strollers we looked at out for a little spin around the store, we checked to see how easy it folds up and we thought we broke it, but we figured out and put it back together and back on the display and quickly left the area before anyone noticed. We went to the toy section where we were both entertained by the toys and agreeable that the noise makers were not our favorites and although Roman can have them, there will be time limits with them so that we too can keep our sanity. 

By the end of it I think we have just about everything we need on our list, and we got to spend the day together shopping for our son, so it was a good day. 

Week 17

Still no real pregnant belly to speak of. Even my doctor commented on that. She said she expected me to "Blossom" within the next two visits. I did get some exciting news this week. I am having a boy. Roman Esteban  will enter the world sometime in April. He definitely likes to be the way he likes to be. He stayed in the same position almost the whole sonogram. 

He did show us he was a boy rather quickly though but he found his comfy position and stayed that way just moving his arms. Everything looked really good, and they don't think there is any abnormalities that they can see.

I have started to feel move more and more. He loves to kick and punch the bladder, and he recently learned that the bladder is comfy to sit on. Its funny feeling the little pokes from the inside. But I am just happy he is an active little boy. 

He is also developing at a very fast rate. He was right on target our first sonogram, but now he is showing to be 4 days ahead of that sonogram from his size. This kind of scares me, as it means he is going to be a good size baby. I did ask Roman to be nice to his momma and not grow to quickly so he doesn't hurt me on the way out.

It makes everything more exciting. I can't wait for April to get here, so I can meet my beautiful baby boy and hold him for the first time. I hope I can be the mother he deserves. 

Week 16

So this is a couple days earlier then they have been. Things are finally starting to pick up at work, and I love my new position and new boss. I got really lucky on this one. As most of you know I find out whether I am having a boy or a girl this coming Monday. Husband is getting excited about this. I asked him last night if the thought it was a boy and he let it slip he is hoping its a girl. I can't lie I kind of am too.

But I do have my doubts if I really want a girl. While girl babies are fun and adorable and cute, they do grow up into girls, and well as we girls know girls can be rough. They are emotional and hormonal and sometimes down right Bitchy. I had mentioned to a friend that there is a reason that a lot of women don't have a lot of women friends, and I thought about all my really good female friends, and except for a small select group, (you women know who you are, and are a rare bunch of just genuinely nice women who must be going extinct) most of my female friends have mostly male friends.

It was with this realization I came up with a brilliant analogy for boys and girls, They are like cats and dogs. Little girls are like dogs, needy and emotional from the start. It takes a lot of work and care to have dogs, as it does to raise a girl. Boys are more like cats, when they are little they like to be played with and loved, but when they get older they just want to be left alone, and they just care that you make sure you feed them, but they pretty much take care of themselves.

If you want to be on the text list to find out what we are having on Monday, please make sure I have your number.

Week 15

So when does it all sink in? As you can see from the weekly pictures I am not showing at all. So it makes it really hard for me to feel like its all real. I haven't felt the baby kick, so I don't have that to make it real. I have heard some women say they finally had it sink in when they first heard the heart beat. Others say that it was when they saw the baby on the sonogram. I have had both of those things but yet every day I feel like I could wake up from this and it never really happened.

When I first heard the heart beat it was the most amazing sound I ever heard. I really did think I could cry and I wanted to hear it forever. My mom got me the home Doppler thing so I can hear it whenever I want, and there are nights I fall asleep listening to the heartbeat. But after the heart beat is gone, its like it never happened. Like I woke up from that dream. 

I have seen two sonograms and both times I got to see my baby move around. It was pure joy. Especially when I can actually see what the baby looked like. I think that half hour in the sonogram room was the best half hour of my life so far. I keep looking at the print outs they gave me so I know it really happened, but again it still doesn't seem real to me.

When does it really sink in? When do I get to show? Maybe when I find out the gender  in a week from tomorrow it will sink in. 

Week 14

I totally planned to do this entry so much earlier, but I got sick this week. I went home miserable from work on Monday, couldn't make it to work on Tuesday and then was sent home at noon on Wednesday. By that time the week just started to slip away from me and the next thing I knew it was Sunday.  So here I am I have the picture taken for week 15 and realized I needed to blog for week 14. 

I can start to feel the changes. I looked down in the shower and there was this hard belly that started to appear. I don't know when that happened. Its also getting harder to lay on my stomach. And my dogs. They are so clingy. My male dog that used to have to be across my belly, but now he wont lay anything other than his head on my belly, but he has to lay close to my stomach as possible without being on it. And now the girl dog feels she needs to be on me as well. I have been looking for Halloween costumes and had the dogs on the floor and she just whined and whined, and when I finally put her up she climbed in my lap. When I moved them off to get the laptop to type this, before I can get the laptop up they are on my lap again. Right now as I type they are holding down my legs.

I look forward to next week because I am finally feeling better. I hated the fact that for the first time I had energy I got sick. I did manage to take a 2 hour hike through the local woods by my house. Breathing sucked especially on the uphill climbs, but the dogs loved it, and it was good good for me. 

Well on to my hunt for a Halloween costume for a woman who is pregnant, but doesn't look like she has a pregnant belly yet. Its not as easy as it may seem my friend. If you have any ideas please share!

Week 13 and Sonogram

Week 13 has been a busy one. We have had a lot going on in our lives right now, so I apologize again for it being so long since I have gotten a post out. I had my first trimester screening for genetic abnormalities. I haven't heard anything yet from my doctor so I am taking that as a good thing. 

I got to watch my baby move around, or I should say refuse to move to the proper position for about half an hour. It was amazing, and kind of funny all at the same time.  The baby definitely takes after it's parents. No matter what the tech had me do, cough,  sit up, lay back, lay on my side, lay on my other side, stand up and walk around. What can I say, my baby likes to lay on it's stomach and side, but not on its back. 

We could see the baby's hand move up, the tech said that it was waving at us, trying to be cute. What I think it was doing was trying to hold its position while the tech shook my stomach.  Once the shaking stopped the hand went back to sucking its thumb. I could have stayed there and watched it forever. 

I also got to hear the heart beat for the first time. It was the most amazing sound. I wanted to cry. I now have the heart rate monitor at home thanks to my mom, and can listen to the baby's heart beat any time I want. It is the most relaxing sound to listen to while laying in bed with the lights out. 

Also just about everyone knows now. I have taken on a new nickname among some of our friends of Momma, which I kinda like. Everyone seems pretty excited for us. Oh yeah and I talked the doctor into doing my gender determination sonogram a week early so in about 3 weeks I will know if I am having a little boy or a little girl growing inside me. 

I promise my next post for week 14 will come sooner rather than later. 

Week 12

First I apologize for taking so long to get this one out. This week has been a very bad week for me. Last Saturday I started to get all dizzy and light headed . This lasted until about Tuesday night when I finally broke down and took the inhaler my doctor prescribed. I felt like I was suffocating.  I felt so much better the next day. Turns out that breathing helps. 

I am excited that I am at the end of the first trimester. I am looking forward to the not wanting to sleep all the time. Being able to look at food again without wanting to gag. I want the belly to start looking like a pregnant belly and not a fat out of shape gut. The gut combined with the heavy breathing and the feeling I am going to have a heart attack does not lead people to think oh there is a pregnant woman. It leads then to think how sad that woman is so young yet so out of shape.

Looking back on the first three months of my pregnancy, I can't really complain. It wasn't all that hard. I did not throw up once. I got a lot of sleep, and I was able to keep the emotions pretty much under control. I look forward to this next stage of the pregnancy, and being one step closer to holding my little one in my arms. 

Week 11

Week 10 ended badly which means week 11 started badly. I think I spent the entire weekend in bed with very few exceptions, I had to walk the dogs, go grocery shopping, and do laundry, but those were the only three things that I got done this weekend. I feel bad, because I really do want to clean the house, but I have been feeling so sick right now. Plus I got lucky and Husband took care of most of it on Friday. Have I mentioned how much I love Husband, it was like he could read my mind and knew I just wasn't up to it this weekend.

I know I have had it pretty easy up to this point, despite on the complaining I have been doing.(I don't do not feeling well, very well, so I complain.) But this week is turning out to be horrible, which makes me worry, am I going to be sick for the rest of the pregnancy. I am supposed to be close to the finish line on this feeling like crap crap. It is hard to get things done when you feel like crap.

I felt so bad for Husband this week. I never realized just how hard grocery shopping is when you feel sick and its food that makes you feel this way. I did do grocery shopping, but I am afraid I didn't come home with much to eat. I really did try. I went to 2 stores and walked the entire store. Now I know I don't feel like cooking much, especially when Husband works at night, so Husband suggested that I get some TV dinners. They have some pretty healthy ones out now. I thought this was a brilliant idea, up until the point I got to the frozen food section. I looked through all of them and they all sounded completely disgusting to me. The paninis that I was so excited to get for lunches just looked like they would instantly induce vomit. You many be wondering what I did end up getting to eat for the week. I got oranges (because Husband loves oranges, see I did think of him) and I got hot dogs. Yes I have been eating hot dogs all week. Oh and mac and cheese. I can also stomach that.

At first it was a craving for chili dogs, but I got all the stuff to make them and they just weren't that good. Probably because the moment I craved them I wanted the ones from Der Wienershnitzel. You know the crappy cheese over the crappy dog with the chili. My mouth watered for their chili combo, the one with the dog, burger and fries...mmm and a rootbeer float to wash it all down with. But as it is with ALL of my cravings we don't have a Der WienerSnitzel in Massachusetts. All the places that even serve chili cheese dogs, serve quality dogs, with quality chili and real cheese. I mean come on who wants that crap? Give me my cheap crappy stuff. Anyways so the stuff at home just did not compare, and the chili cheese baked potato I had made me sick so I am done with the chili now. Now its down to just the simple dog nuked for a minute, and the microwave mutilated dog put in a bun with just plain old mustard with a side of mac and cheese. I even had a hot dog for breakfast yesterday. It was the most satisfying breakfast I have had in a while.

MMM hot dogs. I am gonna have to buy some more before I get home tonight.

10 Weeks and First OB/GYN Appointment

I am now 10 weeks. Thankfully most of the annoying pregnancy symptoms are now gone. All I have left is the extreme exhaustion and the extreme emotional roller coaster that I am still riding. I am 2 weeks away from being done with the first trimester. I can't believe the first trimester is actually almost done. It seemed like I just found out I was pregnant. 

Pants are getting tighter in the waste, but fitting better in the legs. I am told this week that the placenta actually starts to help me out and hopefully some of the crazy emotional outbursts will calm down a bit. I am also able to eat a bit more and keep it in. This is a very much welcomed relief to me. 

I had my first OB/GYN appointment last friday. Husband came with me. Poor thing was starving the entire visit since it was a morning visit and we didn't get a chance to eat before heading down the hospital. We both liked the fact that while we waited  that there was a guy that went around the waiting room with a basket full of snacks. Neither of us have ever seen anything like that at a doctor's office. 

When I finally went back I met with the doctor, and she was really good. She also wanted my old medical records from my surgery in 97 just to make sure I don't need to see a specialist for the pregnancy. I didn't get this type of follow up for the doctors who were there for the surgery. This is all new for me. She gave me my full exam and when it came time for the sonogram they went out and got Husband so he could see it to. It was not the best quality sonogram as you can see from the pictures, but it was amazing non the less.

I got to see the baby's heart flutter. It was so exciting. When the doctor went to take the two still pictures, the baby started to jump around. It made all three of us laugh. My baby likes to move around. Husband started to call in the dancing baby. After the doctor left he asked how big I thought it was. I told him at that point it was the size of a strawberry. He now calls our baby our dancing strawberry. We love our dancing strawberry, my little monkey. It was just so reassuring to see the heart beat.

I get another sonogram, a more clear on in a few weeks at my next appointment and one again to find out the gender. Everything is so real now. I never knew I could love so much, especially someone I haven't even met yet. 

Week 9 and First Dr Visit

So this post has been a bit delayed. That was because I am becoming less and less energized, and more and more emotional. I am sure those of you that I text message all the time are getting a feel for just how raging my hormones are as of late. So the morning sickness is really going away. I still can't eat much and definitely can't eat the same thing more than twice, and that second time is usually forcing it down.

I have lost another 2 pounds this week. I was not nervous about this at first since my mom told me she lost about 60 pounds while she was pregnant with my oldest brother before she gave birth and her doctor told her she and the baby were fine. She told me to just let the doctors know that weight loss runs in the family. Plus the pants still aren't fitting in the waist so obviously the baby is still growing.

The husband has been great. When I do actually get a craving he is very loving and brings it home to me. Luckily I don't crave much, that and I am still scared to eat the cravings I get on a whim because the baby has burned me on that in the past and made me sick right after eating it. Yes my baby is already mean to me.

I also went to the doctor on Monday to get the official medical diagnosis of being knocked up. And I got the results yesterday that indeed I am medically confirmed to be knocked up. I love my primary care physician. She is great. Very reassuring. I feel confident that even if I am not completely comfortable with my OB/GYN I still have my PCP. She made sure that I was completely checked out and in tip top shape. She made sure that I had a contact number for her in case I freaked out or had a concern after office hours which she totally didn't have to do. She also made sure I knew that if I had any issues with billing to call her and she would get it straightened out. She brought back my faith in the medical profession. She saw me right away. I think I waited maybe a total of 10 minutes from the time I walked in the door of the office to actually having the doctor in front of me, and that counts the time it took to weigh me and get my height. She also personally called me with all my blood work results, and after the dumb people at the pharmacy couldn't figure out my prescription for my prenatal vitamins.

When I say the people at the pharmacy where dumb I mean retarded. When I told my doctor what they were having trouble deciphering... (DSS 0.8 mg).... She kinda sounded confused and said that that was the dosage of the pill.... When she hung up, I was like OH MY GOD, those people have to be complete morons....they are pharmacists and didn't know how to read a dosage measure on a prescription. I wont be going to that pharmacy again

She did scare me a little bit. Because I am asthmatic she was concerned about my recent weight loss. She let me know that asthmatics have an increased chance of low birth weight. (I am trying to thing positive and think about the fact that Husband's family produces big babies, so maybe if I do have a low birth weight baby it will be a normal baby) She also said that there are a number of other complications that are increased with asthmatics, and because of that she referred me to a pulmologist as well.

The other think I really liked about my PCP is that she actually cared about the surgery I had 10 years ago. She is the first doctor that I have had since then that thought hmmm maybe a major surgery like that should have some follow up. My surgeon at the time didn't even think I should get followed up.

Even with all the new concerns I have about the possible complications, I feel better knowing that I have an awesome PCP that cares about her patients. Its a nice feeling when I come from a belief that doctors don't really care they just want to diagnose you and get you out of their office and collect the fees.

So until Friday, my first appointment with the OB/GYN....

Aparently Now I am a Bloodhound

I always knew the sense of smell increased during pregnancy. I just never knew how much. Last month there was a faint smell of soap in my office, and I could smell it very strongly. So strongly that I actually asked a coworker of mine if he could also smell it. He had to get up and walk around my desk before he could pick up that scent. He was very impressed with my new superpower. I didn't think much of this at the time.

But today the super power is now in full effect. My friend at work ordered a piece of pizza which I did not know about because I was busy working at my desk. I got a whiff of the smell of pasta sauce and declared that someone must be having pasta. She looked across our shared cubicle wall and said she was having pizza.

Moments later I get a very strong sense of vinegar. I notice that the cubicle diagonal from me has a salad from a place that makes a vinegar based dressing. While these incidents seem to be cute. It is no so cute when I have to take this uncontrolled super power of mine out into the world. By this I mean outside to the dirty smelly streets of Central Square Cambridge. Each smell of the street is intensified. I cannot turn my super nose off, and I would really like to be able to do this when faced with the scents that want to make me gag.

I get to the corner right before the subway entrance of Central Square heading back to Boston and I have to just about run to get underground where I am safe from the hideous smells. This is not an easy task as this is always where a major bus stop is and crowds of people linger. So I also have to dodge the moving bodies that are trying to walk in the opposite direction as I am. in effort to find me safety.

A dear friend of mine decided to share the secret that this super power once activated does not go away. Please all mothers out there, tell me if this is true, and I stuck with this uncontrolled super power of the super bloodhound smelling nose?

What to Eat Is the Question?

What do you eat when even the thought of anything food related makes you want to gag?. I went grocery shopping over the weekend. I was so excited I got lots of chicken and fresh veges and fruit to make salads. I was craving so badly a chicken salad with Ranch dressing and a chicken sandwich with lettuce and tomato and a little Dijon mustard. I went home that day and decided since the roll I got for my sandwich would best be used quickly I would make my sandwich first. It sounded so good, up until the point that I actually had it put together. I took one look at it all made and instantly didn't want it any more. I choked it down because I didn't want to waste a perfectly good meal, but I only managed to get half of it down. The dogs were grateful for that because they thoroughly enjoyed the other half.

Luckily I was not hungry the rest of that night so I didn't really have any issues until the next morning when I was starving and everything made me want to gag. I went to IHOP and ordered some pancakes with strawberries no whip cream for breakfast and what was supposed to be a spinach chicken salad for lunch later that day. The pancakes were fine until about the last bite then my stomach was done with them. And just looking at the salad was not a good thing. Luckily they gave me the wrong one and it was a plain garden salad so I didn't have to feel as bad for dumping it.

By dinner time I was starving again but couldn't bear the thought of eating anything that I had in my house. I texted some friends for suggestions. One good friend suggested salad and fruit. I had to tell her that was my original idea but it was a no go for my stomach. She then thought of fruit smoothies, which my stomach decided the day before when I made one for breakfast, that it was done with those. Fruit, she suggested. But nope I want to gag when I think of eating the fruit I have too. Then she said when she was pregnant she lived off of Fruit Popsicles for a while. I was desperate so I got me some, along with some fixings for mashed potatoes since all the sudden I wanted those.

The Popsicles were a life saver. They were tasty and refreshing. I almost managed to finish the mashed potatoes but the stomach kicked in again and did not allow that, which again the dogs loved. So I had another Popsicle and a ginger ale, another pregnancy favorite that I haded prepregnancy. and went to lay in bed.

I am seriously getting worried about my nutritional needs as this pregnancy goes on. If I have had it once it doesn't seem that I can even finish it. I don't know how much longer my body will continue to accept peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Popsicles with ginger ale. What happens when even those are done?

Week 8

So I haven't posted a blog in about a week. Part because I have run out of things to write about on a daily basis, and part because even when I can think of something to write about I am too damn tired to do anything but sleep. 

I sleep about 10 hours a day right now. I know I should enjoy this because it will all end in the next few months for about 12 years or so. So I do just lay down and fall asleep, and don't wake up until the next morning. 

I am officially two months pregnant. I know from the picture it doesn't seem like I am showing at all, but where I used to be soft I am now not so soft. Oh and I actually lost two pounds this week since last week. Freaked me out until a few of my good friends let me know this was normal and pointed out that what did I expect when I wasn't eating nearly as much as I was prior to this whole experience, but the fact that my pants don't close so comfortably as they did last week should comfort me. 

Yes that was a fun little moment, when I woke up Friday morning and tried to button my jeans, which by the way were loose the week before now need to be closed with the help of a rubberband. (by the way thanks to all my previous pregnant friends who taught me that little trick, made me jeans bearable for work that day). 

As for how I am feeling. I am still crying at the drop of a hat when I am not sleeping. I get nauseous about 7:00 am every morning so bad I start to panic because this is also about the time I transferring from the bus to the green line and have about half an hour til I am near a toilet. That usually passes because I now carry something small that I can eat in my purse. Then I am fine until about 12:00 pm then I am drained and cursing the four and a half hours of work remaining. It is also about the time the nausea kicks in again, but not nearly as bad in the morning. This lasts the rest of the day. 

Eating is becoming increasingly difficult as anything I have normally eaten and loved now just thinking about makes me feel like I am going to go over the edge. And if I find something new I like or can at least stand, I can only have it once because the thought of having to have the same thing twice in a row also is too much for me, and that anxiety then makes it something I never want to have again. I am only so creative with food. I do not think it is possible to eat a different thing for dinner every night for the next 8 months. So any one with ideas for recipes I will gladly accept them. 

Week 7

Yesterday must have been my one day reprieve from not feeling good. I woke up fine this morning, and had a few hours of being awake before falling asleep again for most of the day. I did manage to get my laundry done and clean the bathroom. So I feel like I accomplished something today. 

I have noticed that I am EXTREMELY emotional lately. I spent all day Friday in tears. Now this was extremely embarrassing given that I was at work all day Friday. Every time I would finally think I got myself together,  I would read something or have a thought and the tears were back. Every time I went to the bathroom, I began to ball. I don't know why. And today I am laying in bed just resting and all the sudden the tears well up and I cry myself to sleep. I wasn't even watching TV or anything to cause this emotional outburst. To top it all off. I was watching Gene Simmons's Family Jewel and Gene was watching his daughter's photo shoot and I started fighting back the tears. OK seriously crying over Gene Simmons. You have got to be kidding me. I am officially crazy. 

And my eating options are becoming limited. I can't eat the same thing over and over or else it gets to the point where thinking of eating it makes me sick. If its something that I can stomach and haven't had too much of apparently makes me sick in other ways. I will let you think about that one there since telling you would be way to much information. All I have to say is its getting a little more than annoying. I have a little more than 8 months. What am I going to eat in the later months if the few things that do sound good either make me sick!

Sleeping in also getting harder. I can't sleep on my stomach which is annoying since I am a stomach sleeper. I am so grateful for my preggo body pillow. I don't know what I would do with out it. Every time I sleep on my stomach I feel a weird pressure. Its hard to explain, but I can feel I can feel a bubble inside my stomach area that wasn't there 2 weeks ago. Its not a gas bubble, Trust me I know the difference of what that feels like now. They are not fun at all, but laying on this bubble makes me feel very uncomfortable. 

A Good Day

Well I really can't complain today. I woke up and felt refreshed this morning. Of course I did go to bed at 10 pm last night and didn't wake up until 8:30 this morning, and that could have something to do with it. But then again I have slept more than that in these last few weeks and still woken up like I haven't slept and immediately wanted to go back to bed. Best of all I woke up and wasn't instantly feel like I had vomit sitting in my throat. 

I walked my dogs feeling really good, then a thought crossed my mind. Could I have miscarried? I haven't had cramping, and I haven't had bleeding, but I have never been pregnant before and so I don't know anything about this whole process or the process that comes after it. I actually asked two friends, and they both assured me that no it was not possible to miscarry without cramping and or bleeding. 

Another interesting thing that has started to happen is I can't eat that much. My meals have already been smaller since I became pregnant, but I would get hungrier throughout the day. Last night I made a small bowl of soup (one that I would normally have a large bowl of pre-pregnancy) and I took about seven bites of it and I felt close to like I had eaten two large bowls. I was starving prior to this. I texted a few friends to ask if this was normal, and all said yes it happened to them in their second trimester. 

Well I know I can't be in my second trimester. I had a completely normal period prior to all this. To which several friends said they had their period for a month to five months during their pregnancy. One friend who I have expressed a secret fear of mine said that it could be that my fear is true. She said it could explain the fullness feeling in the first trimester. 

So now I am left to wonder am I further than I thought? Or could I possibly have to face my biggest fear. I won't be able to know which until after my first doctor's appointment. 

First Doctor's Appointment is Scheduled

I finally have insurance, so I am happy. As soon as I got my membership number I called the doctor's office to get the blood test to confirm what I already know so that I can get a referral to go to the OBGYN. Gotta love the HMOs.

Sept 2, 2008 I will confirm I am indeed pregnant, because the bigger and painful boobs, the nausea, the extreme tiredness, and the hormone induced mood swings aren't clue enough... Ok Ok yes this could also just be depression, but last I checked depression did not come with increased boob size or breast tenderness. So I am going to go with the instincts and still say I am pregnant.

Because I am proactive and realistic I also made the appointment for the OBGYN. I was feeling like a bad mother already and the baby isn't even a fetus yet. I was thinking I should have had the appointment already. Good think the nurse or whoever scheduled the appointment was very kind and full of information and let me know the first visit is always between 8 to 10 weeks. That was a huge sigh of relief for me since I am only in the 6th week. I am not a bad mom yet. I am sure I will have years and years to claim that title.

So the OBGYN visit is scheduled for Sept 12. I will be 9 weeks and 5 days at that point. I will get an ultrasound done in the office along with all the other basics of medical history and general questions and answers session. No I am totally excited about the ultrasound. I will get to hear the baby's heart beat for the first time, and I will be far enough along to where the baby looks somewhat like a baby.... ok well a lot more like a baby than it currently does. I think with my hormones as bad as they are right now if I saw a scan of my baby now I would burst into tears swearing my baby is deformed.

I am also terrified of this ultrasound. When I first found out I was pregnant I was looking forward to every ultrasound especially the first heartbeat one. Now I know you have all seen a movie where the girl is pregnant and its her first ultrasound and her tummy is flat and tight and they have the wand out with all the goo on her stomach. They show the correct picture on the monitor. Now this is very deceiving because apparently this is not how it is done at all. I mean I can understand why it's portrayed that way on the screen. The real way doesn't make good touching TV/Movie moments.

Now what is really going to happen is a vaginal ultrasound. Where as one bloggster I read called it, its basically a dildo with a camera. Now doesn't that sound fun. I am guessing this one doesn't vibrate. I guess I am just going to have to try to concentrate on what is happening on the monitor when I see my baby for the first time and forget where the camera is. But I will have a snappy come back if my kid ever tells me to stick it where the sun don't shine. I can tell him/her that I did, that was how I got my first picture of you and give them a loving kiss.

Your Turn to Share

I have been doing a lot of reading about pregnancy these past few weeks. So now I want to ask all you mothers out there about your experiences.

I love the old wive's tales that I have found on the internet. They are fun, I am just sad that I am still too early to use a lot of them. Although I get conflicting answers on the ones I can answer. What does that mean? Supposedly if you like sweets is going to be a girl, but if you like salty its going to be a boy. Well I crave both. There are a few more like that, but I will not list them as I know it will be TMI and I am not comfortable with that, but just trust me.

I have also found some statistics such as something like 60-70% of women knew their baby's gender before the doctor told them. And the scariest fact of them all that 71% of women knew they were having twins before it was shown on a sonogram.

Ok now its your time to share. Please feel free to leave comments with your answers. I love reading actual personal experiences.

How many of you knew the gender of your baby before the doctor told you?

How many dreams about your baby came true?

If you had pets did they start acting different after you found out you were pregnant?

Did the Husband experience any weird pregnancy behavior?

The best part of your pregnancy?

The worst part of your pregnancy?

What is one thing you learned after you were pregnant that you wish you knew before?

Any words of encouragement for a first time mother?

My Epiphany

I woke up this morning trying to figure out a way to sleep just a little while longer. I thought about coming in an hour later, no one would really cared as long as I also stayed an hour later. Now that didn't sound to good, staying later. So I got up and took my shower and was hit with my morning wave of nausea. All I wanted to do was call in sick and crawl back into the warmth of my bed, but I can't. I am a contractor and do not get paid for my sick days.

As I walked from the subway to my work I started to think about how nice it would be to call in sick. It was then I realized that I can't very well call in sick for the next 6 weeks. I think that would go far beyond any company's policy. That I will need to suck it up. After all I am sure that I am not the first woman to feel like crap during her first trimester and still have picked up and gone in to work. And I know for sure there are women that feel far worse than I do at this point and still go into work.

I started to think about what the point of this morning (but really lasts all god damn day) sickness. Then it came to me. It is to prepare us for motherhood. When you are a mom and you get sick you can't take a sick day from the job of mothering. You still have a husband who needs things and a kid that needs things. And while yes when it was just you and the husband you could justify letting your husband fend for himself for a day. After all he is a grown man, and was taking care of himself before we came into their lives. Yes some of us have spoiled these husbands and they may be out of practice, but if they can't figure out how to get themselves food and dressed and through their days for the day or two you are hibernating off whatever it is you have at the time, well them maybe he wasn't meant to survive.

Now a baby or a child on the other hand is a much different story. It doesn't matter how sick you are, you still need to attend to every thing the baby needs. No the husband can help out as much as possible, but there are things as a mother you still have to do. The mother is the one that the child usually goes to for comfort and soothing. The dad is the fun rough and tumble parent. So your body knows it has to get used to going on even when feeling like you could drop dead at any moment. Morning sickness is your body's way of practicing and preparing you for the next 18 years of your life or more if you have more than one child.

This might also explain why morning sickness might be worse during the second pregnancy from what I hear. Because when you are sick you have to try to be even more attentive. You have to stay focused on the needs of two children. So the next time I feel like I am going to hurl I am not going to curse my unborn child for hating me, I am going to thank my kid for caring enough to prepare me for the next 18 years of life as a mother.

Cravings

So everyone hears about the crazy food cravings pregnant women get. I have heard of pickles and chocolate cake. My mom used to dip chips into coco powder. Some of my friends have told me they craved normal foods just a particular kind. And then there is the foods that make pregnant women feel sick. Eggs seems to be popular in that category. 

And then there is my situation. First off everything that I really really crave I can't get where I live. What I would give just about anything for right now would be cactus salad, or some real Mexican tacos from the little taquaria in Orange.....or tamales. Or maybe some enchilada's, which reminds me I need to get that recipe from my friend. 

Now the problem with getting the things that I crave is not that I don't want to make it. I have no problem doing that. We rarely eat out as it is, but I can't get the cactus to make the salad, or the meats to cook to make the tacos that I really want, or the premade masa to make the tamales. And well I don't know how to make enchiladas. 

Now I can't blame my unborn child for making me crave real Mexican food, the kid is after all half Mexican, and the Husband's genes are strong. Plus its not my baby's fault that I choose to move to Massachusetts, the land void of all food Mexican.  

But what I can blame my baby for is making me crave things and them making me feel sick for eating it. As you can remember from an early post all I wanted was a real cheeseburger. So I finally had one on a lunch break and as soon as I got up to leave I felt like it was all going to come back up. Now this I don't think is fair. If I crave it so bad I HAVE to have it, the child growing in me sapping me of all my energy should not be allowed to make me want to throw it all up.

Well now my beautiful child has taken it a step further. No food looks good. Even the thought of food makes me feel nauseous. I spent a half hour after work walking around the grocery store looking for anything something to eat that appealed to me. Nothing did. I finally settled for one of those flatbread instant hot sandwiches  that come prepackaged. It wasn't bad actually. I think I might try the same thing for lunch tomorrow.  Hopefully what was edible today will remain edible tomorrow. 

Friends and their Wisdom

I love how most of my friends who are already mothers make it seem like the whole thing was a breeze. It was the best experience in the world. I am sure having the child is the most rewarding thing in the world, but do they forget I was around them the 9 months before the kid was born?

I don't completely recall them having the times of their lives while the were pregnant. I do have one friend who I love to death. She is completely honest about the whole thing. We were recently speaking about all the early symptoms and how much "fun" they are. She got a good laugh because her daughter is now 18 months and those days are behind her for now.

After the memories she warns me of what to expect in the coming months. Now I was around her for the later stages of her pregnancy with her daughter. I remember how miserable she was. She hates being pregnant, and she will share her feelings on it with anyone who will listen. That mostly consists of the other wives who have yet to experience any of this.

I think she must realize that she doesn't want to totally discourage us from having kids of our own, because she LOVES being a mother, just not the whole part you have to do to get there. So after all her horror stories of pregnancy she always finishes off with the phrase, "but I am probably not the person you should talk to about pregnancy, because I hate being pregnant!"

But she is exactly who we all need to talk to before we embark down this path. Someone who will tell us like it is. Who will tell you "yeah that is only gonna get worse when the baby starts getting bigger" when you tell her about how tired you are, or how often you run to the bathroom. I can so appreciate this honestly more than the general comments I get from other people.

I don't want to hear the "yeah but just think about how happy you will be when you see the baby" (luckily I have not heard this one yet) or the "but it's all worth it in the end" or the worst of all which again I have not had to hear "I don't know what you mean, I loved being pregnant, and you should enjoy everything you are going through because it all means your baby is growing and developing inside you"

I don't know anyone who enjoys being sick. I know I certainly don't. I hate being sick for one day let allow weeks at a time. Why would I enjoy that just because its a symptom of my child growing inside me? Now I do enjoy having and excuse to sleep all day, but that is about where the enjoyment ends for me.

I am sorry its just not fun to wake up 3 or 4 times during the night to have to pee. Or to wake up feeling like all you want to do is hurl, but maybe if you eat it will feel better, and then eating to find out that nope now its worse. Or to crave something so bad, and to actually be able to get it, to find out that it makes you sick. Have I mentioned everything I really really crave is not available to me here. Even if I was to cook it at home, I can't find the ingredients here. I settle for making everything spicy. No this part is not fun!

I do know that when I have the baby, that part will be fun. I still remember the births of the children of the last few friends I was lucky enough to be there for, and how cute their kids were, and how my friends beemed when they held their child. I do look forward to that, and hey maybe all my optimitic friend's are right and once you hold your child these first few months of pregnancy just slip from your memory.

Week 6

Today starts week 6 of this journey. Just 36 more weeks to go. The morning sickness has started to take effect a few days ago. Usually hits around 1 pm and goes in waves for the rest of the night. No actual hurling, which I did find a relief until I talked to me friend who brought up a good point. Its not the throwing up that is bad, its the being nauseous all the time and not getting any comfort from throwing up and knowing its gone. No this sits in the throat and never really goes away. 

I am also even more tired than before. I didn't even know that was possible. To give an example of what I have done today. I went to the grocery store, came home laid in bed, did some yoga (more on that later) and took a nap. It is now 5:30 pm. Yep big day for me. After I am done typing this I am going to have to find some reserve energy to do laundry because I couldn't manager to get that done before the nausea set in from yesterday.

 I imagine its still not as bad as some women go through, and many of you who have kids and who are reading this probably think I don't know what morning sickness is. Well I agree, but I would like to keep it that way. I HATE being sick, for even a day, let alone knowing that this wont stop for another 6 weeks or so! That is a lot to ask me to handle. I am weak when it comes to this stuff. Worse than men  

Ok so I did do some yoga today. I want to make sure I do some exercising during this whole process, but since I have asthma I am pretty limited on what I can do. I can go for walks and I can do yoga. So I laid out my mat and popped in my DVD. I fully expected my two french bull dogs to constantly be trying to get in the way, like any time I am on the floor close enough for them to get to my face. But to my surprise they just laid on the floor next to my mat. The picture below is what they looked like by the time I was done. I guess the lady's voice soothed them too. 

Effects of Yoga on my Dogs

GIfts for the Pregnant Woman

So husband works today, which means I get to lay around and be lazy and wallow in the pregnancy which at this point I do realize isn't really all that bad (I told you I like to complain). I have been set to lay in bed all day until about 6 pm when I will actually need to get up to clean the apartment, when the buzzer for my door goes off. I answer it and it's FedEx. Now I have not ordered anything , but I do that quick check in my mind just to make sure. I buzz the FedEx guy in and go outside my door to greet him. He is carrying this huge box. 

First I should explain that we have been receiving mysterious packages. I currently have a tire sitting outside my door. Its not addressed to me, I didn't order it but it is my address so people keep rolling right in front of my door so I just about trip on it every morning. There was also a package sent to an Eva (obviously not me or Husband). So when I see this huge box I immediately ask who is it addressed to, not wanting another box not addressed to us left at my door. 

But this box is addressed to me. What could it be? Who sent it? I look at where its from, Toys R Us, or more likely Baby's R Us. I rip into it, wondering what it could be. I pull it out of the box, and it the BEST GIFT EVER! A Pregnancy Body Pillow! I have wanted one of these forever, yes even before I was pregnant. I mean who wouldn't? I curves around your body to go up under the shoulder and around your neck and down your back and through the knees. I am currently laying with it as I write. By the way very comfortable even when you lay your head on it and your knees over the part that goes through your knees.....it's a cuddle in a pillow. Oh yeah and on top of all this, it's organic, which is who we have decided to try to get as much organic baby stuff as we can. 

So I call my mom, at 7:00 am her time. She's up right? if now oh well she's a mom she's used to that kind of stuff. Nope not her. Then I remember my friend had asked for my address a while back right after I told her the news. Could she have sent it? She is very sweet and would do something like that. So I text her, yes still early in the morning where she is, but she is a mom to a young son so I know she gets up early to make sure she's up with him. Nope she didn't send it either. So now I am left wondering who made my day by this wonderful gift. I do know the person knows about this blog.

So let me say thank you so much. I love it. I am going to find it hard to get out of bed today to clean my home. Or to get out of bed ever. My other friend has told me this will be a live saver as I get bigger. Its perfect. I am still going to try to find out who sent it to me and personally thank you, but in case I never figure it out. Thank you.

UPDATE:

I just found out my mom is a big fat liar. She had said that she never even knew the pregnancy pillow existed, but my brother's girlfriend mentioned looking for the gift receipt which lead me to the invoice which clearly showed my mom's address on the invoice. So Mom Thank you!

Emotional Anyone?

Ok I think I officially feel crazy. I know I have hormones racing through me, but I don't feel any different. I feel even tempered through the day, so when I finally do come to a breaking point and start to freak out about what happens when this baby is born? What if it doesn't love me? All babies I have ever met have a natural instinctual fear of me, I know my baby is going to have that same instinct! I am not very maternal, wait what am I saying, I am NOT maternal at all! Tears streaming down my face and poor Husband just laying there not really knowing what to do or say to calm this insane person who is laying next to him. I know he must be thinking surely this is not my wife. Someone must have switched bodies with her, because yesterday she was very excited about the baby and was obsessing over names.

Now I always heard the stories about the hormones taking women on emotional roller coasters, but I just figured when it happened to me I would feel something different inside so that I would know it was hormones. I don't know exactly what I expected it to feel like, but I mean something. Maybe like after having a few drinks and you start to feel the lightheaded buzz feeling. That what I could feel it coming on and prepare myself....Ok here comes the wooziness and after that the tears, so I can warn my husband. Or at least explain it to him when he is looking at me with those concerned eyes like are you going to be ok, I can just say yes its hormones give me 5 minutes it will pass.

But no this is not how it happens. Hormone induced emotions feel the same as any other emotion so you aren't sure. Do I really feel like I am going to be the world's worst mother? Do I really feel like I am going to be the only person to give birth that doesn't immediately have maternal instincts for her child? Is it a real fear that my kid's head will be as big as an adults?

So I now that I think I am thinking with a clear head I some what know those are all irrational fears. Well except the head thing. (I have a huge skull). I know that I already love my child, and that because it is growing in me, it's need to bond with me will be immediate. It will be my voice it hears most through its days in the womb, so it will be my voice that comforts it when it is born.

I guess I will just have to keep reading this post over and over again until the child is born.

My Friends Are Mean

Yes this is another 2 post day. It helps pass time... Ok so now on with the post.....

Where is the sympathy people?

As my first trimester goes slowly on, I am not finding anyone who will just give me what I want. I feel like each day this week there has been something new or something old steps up a notch. This morning I realized that my GI Track is trying to compete with the uterus by producing a gas bubble that does nothing but hurt me. So I now get to go to bed feeling like I am gonna hurl and I get to wake up feeling like my stomach is going to explode...Fun let me tell you. Never mind the 3 times I have to wake up at night to pee.

Ok now to why everyone is mean. I had asked on friend if I could skip ahead to the 2nd trimester, she said no, I had to go through all this before I could get there. I don't think this is fair. I hear the 2nd trimester is the only enjoyable 12 weeks in this whole process. I do not think it is completely unreasonable to want to just go straight to that trimester.

Another friend who just gave birth to her second child decided it would be fun to mention wouldn't it be funny if I were having twins....NO this would NOT be funny and I told her so. I had a nightmare about this. I went in for the 10 week heartbeat sonogram and they heard 2 heartbeats. After hearing this story my friend decided to share that all the dreams she had about both her kids came true. That its mother's intuition or something. I do not believe this to be true for the amount of babies a woman is carrying, just for the gender of the child.When I told Husband this story, all he could say was can you imagine. No I can't imagine. I was hell on my mom as a kid. I used to just walk away and wonder off and leave my poor mom in a panic of where her 3 year old child went? Now two of those? No I do not need that! One will be handful enough thank you. Maybe a second many years after, maybe we have to see how this one goes first.

To top it all off Husband, whose sole job these 9 months is supposed to be to make me feel better failed at his job last night. He came home and put his arms around me and asked how the Momma was doing and I gave a sleepy grunt he asked if I was the momma to which I said no, you get to be the momma, and I will take the duties back in 10 months. Can you believe he said no?!? Again this is not fair!

As you can tell, I don't do sick well.... So like I said... WHERE'S THE SYMPATHY PEOPLE?

Name Game

Shakespeare once wrote “What is in a name? If a rose were called by any other name it would smell as sweet.” I do not think this applies to our children. The name is one of the most important things we do for our child. It starts everything off. The wrong name can damage that child for the rest of his or her life.

I think a lot of people forget this responsibility to their children. I am sure everyone has read in the news a few weeks back about the poor little girl who was cursed with the name Lula Who Liked To Do The Hula In Hawaii. Thankfully a judge in Australia saw fit to have the child's name legally changed. We need something like that here.

In my search for perfect name for my child be it a boy or a girl, I just had to see what the rich and famous decided to name their children. Here are some of the "winners"

Here is for all those spice girl fans...Bluebell Modonna....daughter of Ginger Spice and Scary Spice named her daughter Angel Iris.

Daisy True...Meg Ryan

Banjo Patrick...Rachael Griffith and Andrew Taylor....yes this kid will never hear the end when he is in grade school and they sing that song about someone playing a banjo on his knee...

Ever Gabo...Milla Jovovich and Paul WS Anderson

Everly Bear...Anthony Kiedis

Laird Vonne...Sharon Stone

Ptolemy John..Gretchen Mol and Tod Williams....I mean at least pick a name the kid will be able to say before he is 15.

Puma and Seven Sirus...Erykah Badu...Andre Benjamin is Seven's daddy.

Ruby Sweetheart...Tobey Maquire...Ok Ruby is fine, but why the sweetheart?

Story Elias...Jenna Elfman....Why mess up the kid's first name and give then a decent middle name, at least Tobey only messed up the middle name

Sunny Bebop....Flea from the read hot chili peppers...can't even comment on this one....Bebop, really?

Taa-Jah Summer...Sara McLachlan

Sailor Lee... Christie Brinkley

Alcamy...Lance Henrikson

Free...This is the son of Barbara Hershey and David Carradine

Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily...Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence....This is Paula's better choice...scary...wait til you see her other child's name

Spec Wildhorse...John Mellencamp

Poppy Honey & Daisy Boo...Jamie Oliver

Reign Beau & Freedom...Ving Rhames

Sage Moonblood...Slyvester Stalone...this name started off so well, but what more can you ask for from Sly

Kyd...David Duchovny and Tea Leon... yeah real creative here...name your kid Kyd?

Blue Angel...The Edge from U2

Moon Unit & Diva Thin Muffin...Frank Zappa

Tu....Rob Morrow....yes the kid's name is Tu Morrow.

And now for what I would say is the top 10 worst baby names ever

10. Zolton Penn...Penn Jillette from Penn and Teller
9. Pirate...Jonathon Davis
8. Racer Maximilliano...Robert Rodriguez
7. Rocket Valentin...Robert Rodriguez
6.Ka-El...Nicholas Cage....yes that is after superman...
5. Fifi Trixiebelle...Paula Yates...told you this was way worse than her other kid's name
4. Jermajesty...Jermaine Jackson
3. Moxie Crimefighter...Penn Jillette
2. Pilot Inspektor...Jason Lee
1. Audio Science...Shannyn Sossamon

Ok now that was all fun and everything and distracted me from what to me is the most stressful decision in my life as a parent, what to name my child. This is not an easy task. There are thousands and thousands of names out there, but as you can see from above not all of them are good. So as all soon to be parents do I sorted through name after name and tried to pick out the ones I liked. Pretty names for a girl, strong names for a boy.

When your eyes finally fall to a name and you think about it, there are several checks you have to go through before it can be placed on the list of possibles. Do I know anyone with that name? Was that the name of and ex girlfriend/boyfriend? Wasn't that the name of a kid I found annoying when I was back in 3rd grade? Is that the name of someone in the family? Didn't so and so name their kid that? There are too many kids with the name starting with letter. That sounds to close to so and so's name. Oh yeah so and so told me they wanted to name their kid that so I can't be mean and steal the name. Oh can't choose that name its too easy to rhyme bad things with, the kids in school would have a field day with it. Now all of this shortens the list even more. You would think that would be a good thing, but it pretty much eliminates all the names I like. Damn my friends for having kids first and actually picking out good names. You took all the good ones!

Now I do know that I have a lot of time to find the perfect name, but I like to get things done. This is something I can get off my desk so to speak, so I want to get it over with. I think I have the girl's name narrowed down just not the right order yet and the boys name I think we are pretty set on, although I do have some other options I might present on the off chance this is a boy. Now I am not going to tell you the names I am thinking that I like, but I will tell you ones that got eliminated and why.

Samantha....this is the name I always wanted as mine when I was little so I was going to name my girl this, but Husband said he wasn't to fond so I said ok.

Izel....I really really liked this name and thought I had found the one, but Husband brought up a good point that it is too close to the daughter's name of someone we know.

There have been many lists made by me and there have only been certain names that have appeared on every one. That is how I narrowed it down for girl names, but I am not telling until we know if its a boy or a girl and once Husband okays the name.

Week 5

Yeah I know its the second blog in one day, but I have some time on my hand, and I also have to catch up with the week I am in. I thought about combining the 2 weeks, but then it would have been a really long blog, so week 5 gets its own post.

So week 4 wasn't so bad, but week 5 is a little different. Little things are starting to bug me. Like coming up from the subway to see your bus barely starting to pull away made me want to throw my hands up and give up. At that point all I wanted to do was be home curled up in my husband's pj pants (the most comfortable thing on earth) with a real cheese burger, not one of these fake fast food things and cry. But I couldn't do that. First I had no idea where I could go to get said burger and be back in time to catch the next bus and well I had to wait for the next bus.

Why is it that all the worst symptoms have to happen when you still look completely normal. I swear everyone around me thinks I am some crazy out of shape woman, when I am not! I am a crazy knocked up woman. I must of looked so bad yesterday that some lady on the subway (very nice older grandmotherly lady, you know the woman when she walks onto the subway you naturally stand up and offer her your seat) offered me her seat, and said I looked very tired, and gave me a very sympathetic look. Now how would that have looked. Me a 29 year old in perfect health taking a seat from the very nice grandmother. That just doesn't look right! Good thing I was getting off at the next stop anyways.

So as you have guessed trying to stay awake through the day has become a bit of a challenge. I have to get up and walk around the office so I don't fall asleep at my desk. Yeah that makes me look real productive.... The bus ride home is the worst. It's the end of a long day and I have to stay awake the whole ride because I am terrified that I will miss my stop, and that would just send me over the edge of tears since all I want when I get off work is one of those teleport things they promised would be standard mode of travel in the year 2000 when we were little.

Oh and the nausea does not get better in week 5. I am thankful that I am not prone to throwing up, but that does not mean I don't feel like I want to. The feeling just sits in my throat the entire time. And whoever called it morning sickness must have some investment in our population continueing to procreate. I think if women knew the truth prior to getting themselves knocked up they might have thought a little harder about the decision. As any pregnant, or previously pregnant woman will tell you, it can be all day sickness. I am somewhat lucky, mine is just evening and night sickness. And the fun thing for me with my main source of travel being public transportation which takes over an hour is that smells of purfume and cologne are what get to me. Yeah its fun I tell you.

And another added bonus this week. The fequency in which I must run to the bathroom. Yeah I could do without that, and I know it only gets worse and the baby gets bigger. But hey it does get me up and walking around so at least I get my wake up walks out of it.

Now I am not sure if what I am having is really cravings or not, but I really want cactus salad. My mother-in-law made the best cactus salad. But of course do they sell tender paddle cacuts out here in Massachusetts? No of course not. They don't sell much in the way of decent Mexican food out here, which is great for me because most foods have become bland. The only food I seem to really like right now is spicy foods. The more spice the better. Its a good thing most of the eating we do is at home and I can add as much chilis and jalapinos and heat as I need, and the husband can take it.